FATCAT.GOLF

Currently attending anger management therapy for slow play. Is a world authority on lamb shank preparation. Has a tattoo on his arse that says “If you’re reading this, we’re in prison”.

The Dogdish native voted most likely to marry his cousin by his Jeppe classmates. Was an exotic dancer at the Blue Oyster Bar before joining the navy. Secretly harbours a desire to become a bus conductor.

Considered by many to be vocally and morally unrestrained. Endorsed by Weed Aficionado and the Plettenberg Overly-aggressive and Excitable  Support Society (POESS)

A past champion from a bygone era when Old Tom Morris was a junior and Rabbi’s clubs were new. Swing Analysis: Simple and clean followed by a few choice words in Italian not so simple and clean

Paints himself as an Old Master – Only one of those attributes apply on the course.

Always the last to know when it starts raining.

 Swing Analysis: He makes Fred Astaire look like a statue.

Introduces himself and starts each sentence with “Are you a champion?”. The first non gringo to lift the trophy. Swing Analysis: Reminiscent of someone fighting a swarm of bees

He disappears faster after 9pm than his grey hairs on a trip to Denmark. The only thing he can beat with his eyes closed is insomnia. Swing Analysis: Like the Democrats – Misguided and too far left

A sheep in wolf’s clothing. Wears camouflage shorts – we’ve never seen them. Sometimes unfairly referred to as “gums” having relinquished his Fines master role. Swing Analysis: What he lacks in confidence off the tee, he also lacks in swing speed.

His hotel mini bars allow you into the future to see what a coke will cost in 2040. Flatly disputes Uwe Blacks’s claim that the best thing to come out of Holland is the train to Germany.

Recently wrote an article titled “Gender Identification in the modern era”.  Lists his Domicilium Citandi as Pat Pong Street. Swing Analysis: Currently the subject of a dissertation titled “Unusual Biomechanical and Neuropsychological Mechanisms of Movement”

Earlier this year he gave up his day job to spend more time on the range. Has learnt the hard way not to seek medical advice from Full Tilt. Swing Analysis: Gender neutral – Sometimes left, sometimes right. Not necessarily straight.

CFO and poultry evangelist for Woodchuck Chicken.Similar to a greek but not as hard working. Good for a top twenty four finish.

Fargo by day, Pikanin by night. Also known as the smiling assasin. Now looking for an assistant given his expected workload on tour.

Now called Mediocre Mike given his current form. Was once a Springbok tequila shootist. Swing Analysis: Runs a process and system automation conglomerate but has a different swing every day.

His body turn always carries the risk of a hook, never mind a hernia. Only his golf is mainstream.

His goal is to one day shoot his age – will be lucky to shoot his weight. Career highlights include Saturday afternoon C-division winner in 2007. Swing Analysis: Like an octopus falling out of a tree.

His staff see more of Halleys comet than they do him. Recently joined Alcoholics Anonymous – still drinks but uses a false name. Has been cautioned more than once for claiming other peoples pets.

He recently said – “If I had 50c for every scorecard I’d miscounted I’d have R10.80 now”

He of questionable heritage – part Italian and part Australian when it suits him (which, judging by the recent Wallabies form is not often). Developed his unique fashion sense and style directly from John Daly